Let’s Go See the Hemo (again) Part 1-or- A Recap of My Disastrous First Visit to the Cancer Clinic and My High Hopes for the Second Visit!

ARRRRgh and double Arrrgh!

I had my second appointment with Dr. J. yesterday. I was hopeful and prepared to really have a good talk with him. I was going to be my own health advocate. Admittedly I am loquacious. When I was two years old friends of the family rechristened me “Motor Mouth”. I’m 37 now and things haven’t changed much. Embracing this foible, I prepared a succinct list of questions I wanted answered. This time, Dr. J. was going to earn that $250 dollars per half hour by educating me on all things iron.

The problem was this: I may or may not have hemochromatosis. I may or may not have ulcers too. On my first visit to Dr. J he didn’t tell me anything for certain. Indeed, he not did answer any of my questions, really. To him, questions were like enemies hiding in the foliage ready to spring out with lawyers, depositions, affidavits and subpoenas. The more questions I asked the more ruffled this guy got. Then, the next thing I knew our audience was over and I was standing bewildered and bewuthered in the lobby with a snarky nurse demanding, “Co-pay?”

Now I know, this first visit was not, shall we say, auspicious or stellar or even spectacular. My first impression was of Dr. J’s Cancer Clinic was that this place comprised three floors of intimidating, sick-people maze. In my mind it was filled with nastily-unprofessional, coffee-wielding, and IV bag -waving nurses that assumed that you knew where you’re supposed to be. (And, Heaven help you if you had to stop and ask them for directions.)

During this wonderful first visit I had to have a bunch o’ blood tests for iron levels and genetic analysis. Sounds reasonable and proper, right? However, the technician couldn’t remember what all the blood test codes stood for. Furthermore, she had the moxie to call Dr. J’s nurse for clarification…omigoodness why was she starting to cry…?

What I said was,…”Ummm are you okay?”

…must calm this broad down, she’s got a sixteen gauge needle pointed at my arm!

She replied creakily, “I am so stressed out! I have over 120 patients to draw blood from today.” (Did I mention she was also purple-faced, swimmy-eyed by this point?)

This is where I got slick…after glancing at her bulletin board I said, “Wow those are nice pictures of German shepherds. Are they yours?” (Quick! Distract her!)

Thankfully, we fell into a longish conversation about her dogs. She calmed down and drew four vials of blood. And that was that.

However, this carnival of a first visit had to be a fluke, right? My second was gonna be better. No way was I going to let the good doc get away from answering my questions this time. This time… I wouldn’t let my self be led out to the reception room without the doctor giving me my prescription! This time I wouldn’t leave the clinic without clear treatment options, and this time I would have a darn good idea about what is going on with my blood.

But unfortunately that’s not what happened.